...It has been nearly a week since I dipped my last chew of tobacco between my cheek and gum. It has been rough. I can feel my weight climbing back after I lost over 30 lbs. The cravings have gotten stronger, and the stress is starting to mount.
I did not get the news I wanted concerning a job that I was offered, nor concerning pending financial matters. I am being inundated with opinions from family and friends about my personal life and whether I am going to have a political future in this state.
Right about now, I would be pulling a good pinch of Grizzly Mint from the tobacco tin, sticking it in my mouth and letting the soothing tobacco do its work. However, I know that the few minutes of peace and tranquility I may garner from that pinch will eventually lead to years of discomfort and maybe even sudden death. That is why I quit.
When I said I wanted to enjoy the next 46 years of my life, I meant it. I want to be cancer-free as long as I can be, therefore I want to live as long as I can. I want to have moments with my son as he gets older. I want to see the men that are currently in my custody living productive lives outside of incarceration. I want to see the next generation of leaders emerge and take Mississippi/America to new heights. I may even want to fall in love again.
I cannot do that if I die from mouth cancer or lung cancer or any other type of cancer. It is going to be a struggle, but it is one I have to prevail because the alternative is definitely not a viable option.
On that note, it has been brought to my attention that maybe I should not be so personal with my blog entries. Some have said that it may jeopardize a job opportunity or make some folks feel uncomfortable. Feeling uncomfortable is living in your car because you cannot afford a place to live. Feeling uncomfortable is going a whole year without gainful employment, begging and borrowing and scraping up whatever you can to survive. Feeling uncomfortable is watching your child in intensive care and being powerless to do anything to help accelerate the healing.
Feeling uncomfortable after reading some one's personal diary: not so much. As for the job, there is a popular saying amongst the social networking set that goes: be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. It is what it is. This blog is my blog to be as transparent as I want without crossing the dreaded TMI line.
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, maybe I don't need to succumb to the craving after all. All I need to do is express myself and not stress myself. In short, blogging good; chewing tobacco bad.